Help – I’ve read Back From the Looking Glass, but I am still having problems limiting my partner’s aggression/passive aggression.”
Some of the steps to limit abusive behaviour in Back From the Looking Glass don’t work for everyone. In that book, for instance, I give advice on how to get help from the police if you need it. Some people, of course, are facing problems that are not appropriate for the police to help them with.
Verbal aggression and especially passive aggression, for instance, are things the police have a hard time dealing with. Some people may also fear their partner may lose their job, causing their family to face financial hardship if the police get involved. Here is my advice if you are in any of these situations . . .
If the aggression you are dealing with is minor and not serious: It is still important that you work on turning your marriage around before the bad times get worse. Please follow all of the steps, except for talking to the police, in Back From the Looking Glass. I only mention getting the police involved because we know that some people who contact us are in very dangerous situations and we have to make sure we give advice on calling in outside protection. The other steps in that book are still very powerful.
Some relationships only require a small change here or there for their partner’s defences to come down, where in other relationships the aggression is more entrenched. If you need further help after implementing all the other steps in Back From the Looking Glass, continue with the following recommendations. . . .
If the aggression/passive aggression you are dealing with is serious but not the type police are going to be able to help you with: Words hurt and verbal and emotion aggression is serious. If you are in this situation, I recommend that along with the steps in Back From the Looking Glass you also complete the exercises in the chapter on Limiting Abuse in The Love Safety Net Workbook . . .
The Love Safety Net Workbook: Steps and exercise you can work on individually or as a couple that will help strengthen your family relationships. The Love Safety Net Workbook offers practical habits you can develop to help your family build emotional health and security.
If verbal aggression is a problem, I also suggest that you visit my blog and sign up for the membership here on Handling Verbal Aggression.
If the aggression you are dealing with is serious but you fear your partner losing their job if you call the police: Please work through the exercises on limiting abuse in The Love Safety Net Workbook. You need to read these very carefully and do them exactly as they are written. Your personal Bill of Rights, for instance, is NOT something to stick on the fridge. You need to follow the steps and not miss anything that is in the instructions!
Help – I Want to Learn, but Right Now I am too Emotional!
If this is the case, the best place to start is for you to download Lovable Me right now and lie down and listen to it! This is NOT hypnosis. It is a soothing technology called Brain Entrainment which does NOT feature any subliminal messages but uses audio frequencies that simply help relieve stress and anxiety. Mostly it is Steve and I giving you words of love and encouragement. If you live with insults, put downs and sarcasm, this may just be the tonic you are looking for!
Lovable Me: More soothing than a relaxing massage, let Steve and I remind you how lovable you really are!
Help – I have so much anxiety from unresolved emotional trauma from the past that I cannot move forward with steps that are more positive!
This is a very common complaint and one that we turned to our partner and colleague, behavioral scientist, Dallas Fell to help us with . . .
Baggage Dumper Instant Access – Gives you all the benefits of private sessions with Dallas Fell, while you remain in the privacy of your own home. A series of movies that you can view online or on DVD that will help you reclaim your light-hearted self.
Help – I am not a great reader!
Most of our books are in point form and have been written specifically for you to be able to flip through and get the information you need quickly. These are not books that tell the whole story of how I learned every bit of information in them. Instead they are packed full of ideas you can turn to and get support quickly when you need it.
Help – Your books are beyond my reading ability. Can’t I just talk to you?
In this case you might want to get a friend, therapist, church pastor or maybe even your doctor to help you work through our material. Talking to us will not make this any easier. Our advice is not based on talk therapy. There are steps you need to take and changes you need to make that you may want to get someone close to you to support you with. A lot of our work, however, is about you learning to regulate your emotions yourself without needing anyone else to comfort you. For this reason it is best if you do not wait until you are emotional to turn to your support person for help. You might get them to help you write out simple post it notes or flash cards to help remind you of what you need to do next time your emotions get triggered.
I like to learn things in a thorough and logical manner and want to really make sure that I make the changes you suggest permanent.
If this is the case, I suggest that you join Steve or my group and start working through the exercises there at the same time as reading the books above. Our online groups also include private Facebook groups where you can ask questions – let us know how you are going and chat with other students, following each others’ progress.
Our groups are very inexpensive and provide online personal and group support 24/7.
Help – I want to be part of a community of people who are all working on making these changes!
Great, come and join us! As I mentioned above, our groups include online classrooms which we run on private Facebook groups where you can ask questions – let us know how you are going and chat with other students, following each others’ progress. Join Steve or my group.
Help – I have worked through the exercises in The Love Safety Net Workbook but would like to sign up with private mentoring with you.
Private mentoring is a great way to get your questions answered and let our experience help you get to the exercises that will help you most. Private Mentoring.