Who's to Blame? - TheNCMarriage.com
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Updated from Steve’s Intro Tutorial:

Let’s Protect Our Families

Do you understand the concept of grooming? I don’t mean combing your hair and shaving. I’m talking about predators that ‘groom’ their victims so they can abuse them.

Sexual predators are famous for this. They spend months or even years forming a relationship with their victims. Linked here is a detailed Malcolm Gladwell article about how they operate.

First, they look for a potential victim that is isolated or vulnerable, after that they may:

  • Use flattery
  • Offer sympathy
  • Claim to be the only person who understands
  • Encourage the victim to feel that they are being victimised by the people who are actually providing protection
  • Supply drugs, alcohol and pornography
  • Test how far they can take things—incrementally—and not be stopped or questioned

For example, an online sexual predator will strike up a conversation with a child or young adult online. They will flatter the child and tell them how special they are. The predator will in time say that the child’s parents don’t understand them; using rules the parents have made (in order to protect the child) as evidence.

Not only do they aim to hurt our children, but deeply undermine our relationship with them.

We can understand how this happens with children and young adults. But can we see how this has happened to men?

It is difficult to admit but most men in the west have been groomed by predators in several ways.

The damage caused by this grooming hurts everyone, but women and children have been especially targeted as victims.

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. So I will share some of what has led me to this conclusion.

Turning Men Against Their Families

Men’s role as protectors of our families has been undermined and turned upside down since the industrial revolution. To the point where men, in general, are now blamed for most of what is wrong with our society.

We cannot change this if we don’t find the courage to look at what has been done to us.

I will say again that we have been groomed. Grooming which, as always, pretends to be in our best interest.

I will get to who ‘they’ are in a moment, but first I will describe what it is that ‘they’ do to us:

First, they flatter us that we are smarter than our wives. Giving us sympathy for what feminism has done to our role in society, insinuating that feminism has diminished men’s role in some way.

‘They’ say other men are the only people who understand us. ‘They’ encourage us to feel we are being victimised by our wives when often they are trying to protect us. ‘They’ sell us drugs, alcohol and pornography as symbols of masculinity.

‘They’ test how far they can take the exploitation of our family—incrementally—and not be stopped or questioned.

Kim and I for years have maintained that advertisers, PR firms and marketing are the worst culprits.

‘They’ may not be sexual predators (but it could be argued this is still part of their agenda) but their aims are still abusive.

What are ‘they’ aiming at?

A documentary series we recently shared explains this whole process in detail. How PR firms and marketing agencies have worked together with governments to take our free will away from us.

The Century of the Self – 01 – Happiness Machines from AndrésMRM on Vimeo.

‘They’ call this manipulation of our free will ‘manufacturing consent’.

With the excuse that without nationwide manipulation, we would fall victim to dangerous and immature subconscious motivations.

The same motivations ‘they’ say caused WWI and WWII.

The sad truth is that our leaders were already manipulating our unconscious fears to fuel those conflicts in the first place.

For thousands of years, war has been used to further the interests of the wealthy.

Instead of seeing the obvious—that war and war propaganda bring out the worst in people. ‘They’ used the terrible effects of war on people’s emotional state to push a lie:

Which is; ordinary people—left alone with the authority to make their own decisions—can’t be trusted to regulate their immature emotions.

The truth this documentary exposes is that it is ‘their’ manipulation that has in fact kept us insecure, emotionally needy and immature.

PR firms, marketing, advertisers and governments are the groups carrying out this manipulation. When these forces work together to impose control on the population (which this documentary exposes) it is known as fascism.

I say—just like North Korea—even if the aims have been different, we too have been groomed by the state.

If you have any doubts about this, please watch the entire 4 part documentary. It is old now but does an excellent job of documenting what has happened to us collectively over the past century. This production is courtesy of the BBC and not an alternative news source.

‘They’ have pandered to our immature desires to promote products to us. This has resulted in us becoming, worldwide,  a selfish and immature narcissistic/codependent society.

My wife Kim helped me to understand this. Instead of labelling me a narcissist as she was encouraged to when we were fighting, together, we came to see it is a problem that faces our whole society.

Our website is not aiming to blame men. We are here to help you take back your rightful position of leadership in your family.

That is going to take courage and emotional regulation on your part.

Our popular heroes never succeed in the long run. It is time men take our power back to protect ourselves and our families.

How Do Men Take Their Power Back?

The essential structure of the leadership challenge is in 5 stages

1. Recognizing and nurturing authority over our own life and path.

From a marketing point of view, the kind of authority or ‘taking responsibility’ that advertising promotes, usually amounts to encouraging men to spend money without making joint decisions with our wives about that spending.

Corporations of course don’t work that way. Spending decisions are generally made at the top or collectively in corporations.

True personal responsibility amounts to being accountable to our loved ones.

2. A solid commitment to the holy trinity of Happiness, Health and Strength.

Wim Hoff, ‘The Iceman’—a true leader of men in our society—describes these three goals as the foundation of men’s wealth and security.

3. My wife Kim’s unit work on empathy, self-knowledge, inner connection, negotiation and leadership.
Yes, my wife Kim has a role of authority here. Her work has helped thousands of families. More on the important need to support our wives role in our lives in a moment.
4. Service to others; a spiritual and political experience.
Knowing how to take care of ourselves, while also knowing how to share and consider others; the true hallmark of mature emotional regulation.
Finding this balance is essential and in our self-interest. Self-centred people don’t build lives on solid foundations.
5. Understanding narcissism and codependency and maturing beyond those mindsets.
Even with the best roadmap to bring Happiness, Health and Strength to your family you are still going to need to be aware of the pitfalls. In our world, they are all around us.  Would you walk through a minefield without knowing how to spot the danger zones?
The unforeseen dangers that prevent men from securing emotionally and spiritually fulfilling lives are so prevalent that we must be vigilant at all times while learning new and profoundly beneficial habits.
Just as sexual predators are usually charming; narcissistic men are experts at charming and manipulating other men. Instead of challenging us, they tell us what we want to hear, but this is rarely in our best interest. Beware the charming flatterer. Steve’s Leadership Challenge is not about charming you, it’s about challenging you.

If you take my challenge I will do my best to accompany you through all 5 of these points above.

I am not above you but beside you in this challenge. My own leadership skills are a work in progress.

I can only make suggestions. It will be up to you to do the work involved. If you succeed the credit will be yours. Together we can own our lives again.

Facing Our Fear

I have faced my fears to embark on this challenge and will ask you now to do the same.

Mine was that if I put my real self forward in life, I might fail and hence be rejected.

I am turning to face that fear and work through it.

I wonder what your secret fears are?

  • Ridicule?
  • Being ignored?
  • Disrespect?
  • Disappointing others?

Peer-reviewed science now shows the incredible benefits we obtain from actively choosing to face our fears and stressors instead of running away from them. The Iceman Wim Hof makes a solid case that we are sick from hiding in our comfort zones and never venturing out to face the elements.  I will not take you hiking Mount Everest in shorts like Wim Hoff does with people. Although the emotional challenges I present may well be just as terrifying!

Facing emotions like embarrassment, guilt and shame may feel similar to entering a cold environment completely naked. But let’s consider the alternative; trying to protect ourselves from feeling these emotions will involve blaming others, which in turn makes us angry and unreasonable to live with.

Most men would like to be stronger, but what of the emotional strength needed to protect our families—from the emotions we don’t want to face in ourselves?

Unlike climbing Mount Everest in shorts, for most of us, facing our embarrassment, guilt and shame, will cause our lives to suddenly become a lot warmer.

You Are Not Alone

If you are reading this article I assume you have a wife or serious partner. You may also have children you are responsible for.

The first thing us men need to understand is that our wives are also leaders and that protecting our children begins with protecting the status of wife/mother in the family.

The Century of the Self documentary shows how feminism was first promoted by wealthy men. Their aim was to sell women tobacco and then alcohol.

The wealthy PR firms that worked for big industries like tobacco intentionally put forward women’s ‘liberation’ as women challenging men on men’s territory. Women understandably wanted the right to vote but the advertisers linked this with smoking and drinking. Cigarettes were labelled as ‘liberty torches’ and created a marketing campaign directed at women using movie stars and fashion models.

Wanting to vote had nothing to do with wanting to smoke. PR firms manipulated women.

Instead of promoting and protecting women—as the very people who do the best job of teaching our children emotional regulation—’they’ stole women’s position of authority.

Don’t believe me?

First, Stanely Greenspan’s work with autistic children proved that where psychologists had failed, it was mothers who needed to be given the authority, time and resources if their children were to be taught to regulate their emotions.

Why? Because emotional regulation could not be taught without an emotional connection.

Mothers had a unique role of success in this where the psychologists had all failed and even said it was impossible.

Next, I wonder where the game Simon Says came from? Just about everyone alive on the planet played this game as a child.

Why would we train children not to follow commands given by their mothers and mainly female teachers?

Who is Simon? Why should our children only listen to commands when someone else ‘says’ they should do it?

Simon has been replaced by the words doctors, scientists, dentists, health authorities, researchers, experts etc.

You can say – “dentists say to use this toothbrush” and people will listen, but not, “brush your teeth”. Why? Because a game we played as children trained us out of our natural instinct to do what was directly asked of us.

Men too have been groomed to believe that it is not masculine to do what our wives ask us to. Many men now get defensive when our wives ask us to do anything.

And when men get defensive we can, unfortunately, act in a way that puts other people down. We want our family to understand that we are busy and important, but that is not always the message put across.

The Toughest Job in the World

Being a wife and mother is an important and difficult job. If we don’t support our wives’ authority and status in our family, that job becomes almost impossible.

Worse, since psychology and psychoanalysis came to dominate our collective thinking in the 20th century, it has become standard to assign blame on mothers for problems related to unresolved issues from our childhood. Psychology and psychoanalysis were also the main tools used by the PR firms to manipulate us through advertising. Now, in the 21st century, a great deal of focus is directed at the need for each of us to take personal responsibility for our lives, yet everyone’s deepest insecurity and pain continues to be blamed on our mothers.

If you join my leadership challenge, we will discuss several aspects of the pain and frustration many of us feel, but no, that pain is not entirely our mother’s fault.

The rise of consumerism has led to psychologists—working for big corporations—over the past 70 years or so, placing a great deal of energy into persuading individuals that government and corporations—not mothers—know what is best for us.

As advertisers are well aware; women control most of the household spending, so massive campaigns using guilt and other persuasion techniques have been aimed at manipulating women’s better judgement.

This leaves wives and mothers in a difficult position, with little respect given to their authority or judgement. Even worse, all of the blame and responsibility is then directed at mothers when things go wrong.

The truth is that each of us is freed in the knowledge when we come to understand—despite their faults—just how much our mothers really did love us.

None of us is perfect, but wives and mothers need our respect and support for the incredibly difficult role they play in society.

Good leadership requires us to recognise that our wives have extremely important roles of authority in our families.

Who else teaches us to take care of ourselves but also play fair?

Many men need this kind of mothering.

Because mothers and wives role has been so undermined through the last century, we need to be supportive in helping them claim this role back.

Men don’t have the same level of emotional intelligence that women have and we don’t usually have as strong an emotional connection with our children.

For this reason, we can’t teach women to remember how to be better mothers and wives. We can only support them while they find their way relearning this.

For instance, if kittens are taken from their mother too early they may survive but not learn how to protect and defend themselves. Mother cats help their kittens learn this skill when they are old enough. They will attack their young in a way that makes their young learn to fight back.

The domestication of human beings has been a goal of the consumer sector in the west for over a century, we are trained and forced to be good consumers. A happy and loving family costs very little money and we become content when we achieve a meaningful and loving family unit.

Women who didn’t have good role models will best learn from other wives and mothers who did. If we don’t want women challenging men’s roles in our society, we need to give them support while they develop more confidence in the unique roles that advertising has undermined.

For example, who makes the decisions in your family about what you are having for dinner? Do you support your wife’s choices or is it your children or the TV who decides?

Who teaches the family to remember everyone?

How often do we listen?

All Boats Rise on the Same Tide

Our children too have a genuine need for important roles and status in our family.

If we undermine our wife and our children’s status, it will come at a huge personal cost to all family members, including fathers.

First, it undermines a father’s role as protector of the family.

Second, it may cause our family to become exceedingly emotional in an unhealthy way. Fathers are not generally equipped for such conflict.

Undermining our children’s and wife’s status knocks our whole family down.

If we don’t get on top of this habit, it can eventually tear our own personal world apart.

In our work, we see families every day this has happened to.

Don’t Let the Predators Move-in

Without a mother and father who have confidence in their roles as parents—and status in their community—children turn to counter-culture, nightlife, drugs and the streets.

The pederasts and sleaze merchants move in and our children become easy prey.

This is not an easy battle we face as men, and it is important we stay on the right track.

The dangers out there for young adults in this world are multiplying. To protect them, we must support our wives’ role and status in our homes.

There are of course important roles of authority for men in our homes and I will talk more about that in my leadership challenge.

But first, if you want respect you need to give it. Blaming our wives and mothers isn’t the answer.

The Choice is Yours

The Reconnect audio I mention in the movie above is available from our book shop at full price, but if you join my leadership challenge you can purchase it at a discount as part of our introductory specials.

These specials include my wife Kim’s books (which I have contributed to) which include advice on how to begin accepting love for who you really are.”

To get started . . .  please click the green button below and choose from our intro specials. Then send me a quick response to the next email you receive from me, and I will send you a personal invite to join my leadership challenge. This challenge will involve me staying in touch with you with short movies and information to help you stay on track.

I also run a Facebook secret group where—if you join—you will have support available from myself and other members.

  • To purchase Reconnect at full price, visit our bookshop here: Purchase Reconnect at Full Price
  • Or click the green button below and sign up for my Family Leadership Challenge. . .

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