The Narcissist: On Love & Marriage
Check out the links at the bottom of this page to learn how the narcissist views love and marriage, but first . . .
Are You a Narcissist? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself . . .
- Do you hide things such as pornography, romance novels, affairs, crushes, hidden lines of credit (credit cards) or plans for the future that don’t include your marriage partner?
- Do you excuse behaviour that upsets your husband or wife by comparing yourself to people who behave worse?
- Do you control the money in your household and watch all of your partner’s spending, leaving them limited funds while you hoard money or hide money transactions and/or lines of credit to buy yourself luxuries, treats or indulgences (or make investments in only your name), thinking you deserve more than an equal share – or perhaps blaming your partner for your current financial situation and everything wrong in your life?
If you answered yes to any of these questions (and especially all three) there is a good chance you have a narcissistic view on love and marriage.
But before I tell you anything more, there is something I need to share. There was a time I was labelled a narcissist, and I want to share our story with you . . .
They Said I was a Narcissist!
Years ago when my wife Kim was looking for help with our marriage, she was scared very badly by the online expert* on Narcissistic Personality Disorder who described my behaviour very accurately. There were other professionals we saw at that time who agreed that I was a narcissist. The professionals pronounced “no hope” for our marriage and said because this disorder was incurable (this has since been changed in the latest DSM), the only smart choice Kim had was to leave me.
I am lucky that I have a smart wife who found better advice.
A few years down the track when things were much better between us I made the decision to support Kim’s efforts in becoming an author and sharing what she did to turn our marriage around.
After 8 years helping couples in crisis, Kim and I consider Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Codependence as destructive stereo-typed roles men and women play, more than we see these behaviour patterns as medical problems.
Did you grow up believing that as long as you succeed and get what you want, the end always justifies the means? Did you have more expected of you as a child and young adult than you felt you were able to realistically achieve? Was lying the only way you felt you could keep people happy and off your back?
Back when Kim and I were fighting I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing by my family, but in reality I was even unhappier than they were. It is hard to let your family be happy when you are unhappy yourself.
If you can relate to what I am saying here, today I want to help you end the chaos and begin creating a family life where you feel loved and at home.
*Sam Vaknin the supposed expert on NPD, claimed that he was a narcissist but was diagnosed (on TV) as being a psychopath instead! Please make sure you don’t let people fool you or your spouse that being a narcissist and a psychopath are the same thing! Don’t let people tell you there is no hope!