The Narcissistic/Codependent Marriage - Learn the Signs
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Do You Sometimes Worry; “Maybe it’s me who is Causing the Fights?”

Don’t risk it all in a marriage-counselling-title-match. Learn the truth of what may be causing the heart-ache and the fights.

The Narcissistic/Codependent Marriage—What You Need to Know

Steps to Peaceful Home - Beyond Marriage CounsellingOur best seller—now in its 12th edition

For 12 years, our work has been online, offering a private, inexpensive alternative to marriage counselling. This began with the release of Back From the Looking Glass: 13 Steps to a Peaceful Home—our easy to read reference book—now in its 12th edition. Still our go-to-guide to single-handedly tackle the conflict in your marriage (without your partner’s support or co-operation).

12 Years on we have a lot more resources to offer, including our member’s area where you will get personal help and advice.

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At Home, do Either of These Roles Sound Like You?*

The Narcissist

You idolise people/teams/groups you see as confident and successful. Politicians, sports teams, celebrities, historical figures, corporations and new people you meet.  You have often faced a feeling of inner desolation/anger when your heroes are conquered or you discover they are vulnerable or flawed.

Despite any success that you may have achieved in life, your self-esteem swings between feeling superior, all-powerful and misunderstood on the one hand and fake and unworthy on the other. This imbalance is underpinned by a hollow feeling of emptiness, negativity, hopelessness and inner-poverty that nothing will relieve.

  • When something goes wrong:

even when you caused it, you immediately think of someone—or something else—you can blame.

  • When someone is critical of you:

you justify yourself by pointing out other people who behave the same or worse.

  • You feel pressure to earn fame and/or recognition.
  • You are often shocked at what life expects of you and consider yourself a victim.

Despite the name-calling and sheer volume of misinformation online, narcissism is a very common way of thinking and behaving.

Narcissism is often encouraged by society, including movies, our friends and TV. Advertising is one of the worst culprits. A focus on cheap prices in advertising is just one example. The message we receive behind this is to think only of ourselves, not about paying a fair price for what we buy that would allow a better quality of life for everyone involved in the exchange. Another unhealthy focus of advertising is encouraging us to feel entitled to live beyond our means.

Narcissism is not only encouraged in ads. Product placement and persuasive manipulation are now included in the storylines of most movies and shows on TV. Without knowing it, advertising and marketing now influence almost every area of our lives.

In its most simple description, narcissism is about being self-centred, which is something we obviously need to look at if we expect our marriage will ever improve.

Narcissism, however, is not about loving ourselves.

Unhealthy narcissism is, instead, about loving a fantasy idea of ourselves. A fantasy that won’t allow us to accept our mistakes and grow as a real person. Hanging onto this fantasy will not allow us to be loved for who we really are.

Do you crave love and admiration, even from strangers? Are you trying to fill an empty well?

Narcissism is easy to spot in other people but much harder to spot in ourselves.

Join Steve’s list—for men—a family leadership challenge

The Codependent

You long for a hero to rescue you, and care for your deep unmet emotional needs.

You crave understanding and support, from people who have often shown you clearly that they only truly care about themselves.

While knowing you are genuinely loving and caring, you feel unappreciated and sometimes angry that no one cares about you or your needs.

You often experience severe and prolonged episodes of self-doubt, alongside a nagging unassailable sense of shame that perhaps you are not the good person you believe that you are.

  • When something goes wrong:

no matter who caused the problem, you feel guilty and blame yourself.

  • If someone is critical of you:

you become emotional and cannot relax until the critical person is happy with you again.

  • You feel expected to keep everyone happy & keep the peace.
  • You give your marriage your best—but even though your partner makes little effort— find your best is never enough.

Codependency describes a person who spends a large part of their life trying to keep other people happy. This is not entirely unselfish, however, as they do this hoping to get their own immature emotional needs met in return.

This pattern of behaviour is just as common as narcissism and likewise can seriously damage your marriage.

Codependency is often encouraged by society, including music, soap-operas, romance novels, movies, and TV. Advertising is one of the worst culprits. How many things have you been encouraged to purchased recently, with promises of gaining more love from your family? Product placement and persuasive manipulation are now included in the story-lines of most movies and shows on TV. Advertising and marketing now influence almost every area of our lives.

A codependent’s thoughts and plans are centred on their partner. 

Codependency, however, is not about genuine love and concern about this person, because subconsciously it is working to create an emotional debt.

Codependency is based on the dangerous myth that romantic love will heal a person’s insecurity and fear. “Allow me to love and heal you” it croons, “so you can then love and heal me.”

The truth is, insecurity and fear are things we need to learn to deal with ourselves.

To create a happy marriage, we must be centred on our own needs as well as the needs of the people around us. Being other-centred can be just as hard to live with as being self-centred.

Learn the 3 bad habits—most codependents do every day—that will eventually destroy your marriage:

Are Narcissism & Codependency Destroying Your Marriage?

Is your marriage full of hurt, hard feelings, anger and disappointment: with little room left for love?

Codependency and Marriage

We often use the term Emotional Dependence rather than codependency because, unlike complicated psychology; it explains the problem more simply.

It’s wonderful to be loved and appreciated. Emotional Dependence and Marriage, however, are a disastrous mix. Needing someone’s love and approval to feel good about yourself and that you need to “fix things” every time your partner feels angry or upset, will soon make married life with you into a chore.

Narcissism and Marriage

Narcissism and marriage are an even worse combination. Because the narcissistic outlook on life is so different, people with narcissistic tendencies won’t appreciate the way their codependent spouse goes about getting his or her emotional needs met. In love with the idea of being loved and adored, if this person sees that their marriage partner is unhappy, the narcissist will seek love and approval outside the marriage and treat other people much better than their spouse.

Narcissism and codependency are patterns of behaviour that cause family dysfunction. They will cause chaos and disappointment in marriage and eventually destroy love.

Many of us learned these patterns of behaviour growing up.

Narcissistic/codependent marriages are more common than you might think.

A narcissistic/codependent marriage does not mean your marriage must end. This website is the portal to help you end the conflict and also help you find support.

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Learn More About the Signs of Narcissism and Signs of Codependency in Your Marriage:

Narcissism In Your Marriage Partner

Narcissism In Your Marriage Partner

Do you live with someone who puts you down and insults you? If so we want to help bring peace and security to your home. Read More . . .

Selfish Reasons To Look At Your Narcissism

Selfish Reasons to Look at Your Narcissism

The games narcissistic personality types play can be tiring. Giving up the game allows for new paths. Read More . . .

Narcissism and Sex

Each new admirer becomes ‘the one’ special person whose attention you crave, but like a mirage, in a short time the illusion fades. Read More . . .

Codependency In Your Marriage Partner

Codependency In Your Marriage Partner

Does your partner always want to talk about your relationship when you would rather be doing something else? Check for signs of codependency in your marriage.  Read More . . .

Signs Of Your Codependence In Marriage: Sad Woman Praying For Help.

Codpendency In Yourself

Signs of Codependency in yourself in your marriage  Read More . . .

Please Talk To Me

Please Talk to Me

A marriage partner not wanting to talk is the most common complaint I hear. Read More . . .

Groomed for Heartache

What Codependence is and what it is not.  Read More . . .

stethoscope on heart

Narcissism & Codependency are learned family roles; they represent opposing views on life that will cause conflict, chaos and disappointment, eventually destroying love & companionship.
Kim Cooper – Author of Back from the Looking Glass

* Please note that most people have a mixture of narcissistic and codependent tendencies. Many men, for instance, will play the narcissistic role at home while acting co-dependently at work. Our aim here is to help you identify the patterns, not diagnose yourself or someone else.

You should also note that in most cases our team have found these labels stereotypes which do not represent the real person. Despite the pain and suffering these mindsets undoubtedly cause; our experience has shown them to be learned behaviour and NOT incurable psychiatric conditions.

Couples can certainly outgrow narcissism and codependence as our story and work both demonstrate.

Join Steve’s list—for men—a family leadership challenge

Learn the 3 bad habits—most codependents do every day—that will eventually destroy your marriage:

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