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Why Counsellors, Psychologists & Psychiatrists Come to Us

For 12 years, our work has been online, offering a private, inexpensive alternative to marriage counselling. This began with the release of Back From the Looking Glass – 13 Steps to a Peaceful Home —our easy to read reference book—now in its 12th edition. Still our go-to-guide to single-handedly tackle the ‘corruption’ in your marriage (without your partner’s support or co-operation).

These days we have a lot more resources to offer, including our members area where you will get personal help and advice. Don’t risk it all in a marriage counselling title match, let us help you find stability and balance in your home . . .

Are Narcissism & Codependency Destroying Your Marriage?

At Home, do Either of These Roles Sound Like You?*

Steps to Peaceful Home - Beyond Marriage Counselling

The Narcissist

  • When something goes wrong: even when you caused it, you immediately think of someone—or something—else you can blame.
  • When someone is critical of you: you justify yourself by pointing out other people who behave the same or worse.
  • You feel pressure to earn fame and/or recognition.
  • You are often shocked at what life expects of you and consider yourself a victim.

Despite the name calling and sheer volume of misinformation on line, narcissism is a very common way of thinking and behaving.

Narcissism is often encouraged by society, including  movies, our friends and TV. Advertising is one of the worst culprits*. Not only in ads. Product placement and persuasive manipulation are now included in the story lines of most movies and shows on TV. Without knowing it, advertising and marketing now influence almost every area of our lives.

In its most simple description, narcissism is about being self-centered, which is something we obviously need to look at if we expect our marriage will ever improve.

Narcissism, however, is not about loving ourselves.

Unhealthy narcissism is, instead, about loving a fantasy idea of ourselves. A fantasy that won’t allow us to accept our mistakes and grow as a real person.

Hanging onto this fantasy will not allow us to be loved for who we really are.

Do you crave love and admiration, even from strangers? Are you trying to fill an empty well?

Narcissism is easy to spot in other people but much harder to spot in ourselves.

*A focus on cheap prices in advertising is just one example. The message we receive behind this is to think only of ourselves, not about paying a fair price for what we buy that would allow a better quality of life for everyone involved in the exchange. Another unhealthy focus is to make us feel entitled to live beyond our means.

The Codependent

  • When something goes wrong: no matter who caused the problem, you immediately feel guilty and blame yourself.
  • When someone is critical of you: you become emotional and cannot relax until the critical person is happy with you again.
  • You feel expected to keep everyone happy & keep the peace.
  • You give your best to your marriage but your best is never enough.

Codependency describes a person who spends a large part of their life trying to keep other people happy. This is not entirely unselfish, however, as they do this hoping to get their own immature emotional needs met in return.

This pattern of behaviour is just as common as narcissism and likewise can seriously damage your marriage.

Codependency is often encouraged by society, including music, soap-operas, romance novels, movies, and TV. Advertising is one of the worst culprits.* Not only in ads. Product placement and persuasive manipulation are now included in the story lines of most movies and shows on TV. Without knowing it, advertising and marketing now influence almost every area of our lives.

A codependent’s thoughts and plans are centred on their partner. 

Codependence however is not about genuine love and concern about this person, because subconsciously it is working to create an emotional debt.

Codependency is based on the dangerous myth that romantic love will heal a person’s insecurity and fear. “Allow me to love and heal you” it croons, “so you can then love and heal me.”

The truth is, insecurity and fear are things we need to learn to deal with ourselves. To create a happy marriage, we must be centred on our own needs as well as the needs of the people around us. Being other-centred can be just as hard to live with as being self-centred.

*How many things have you purchased recently hoping to gain more love from your family?

When you are ready to end the chaos and build a more secure emotional foundation in your home, simply choose one of the buttons above.

Or First Educate Yourself a Little on the Signs of Narcissism and Codependency in Your Marriage:

Signs Of Narcissism In Your Marriage - Wife Looking Through Husbands Phone

Narcissism In Your Marriage Partner

Do you live with someone who puts you down and insults you? If so we want to help bring peace and security to your home. Read More . . .

Man In Mirror

Selfish Reasons to Look at Your Narcissism

The games narcissistic personality types play can be tiring. Giving up the game allows for new paths. Read More . . .

Narcissism and Sex

Each new admirer becomes ‘the one’ special person whose attention you crave, but like a mirage, in a short time the illusion fades. Read More . . .

Codependency In Your Marriage: Drowning Hand Waving For Help In In Heart

Codependency In Your Marriage Partner

Does your partner always want to talk about your relationship when you would rather be doing something else? Check for signs of codependency in your marriage.  Read More . . .

Signs Of Your Codependence In Marriage: Sad Woman Praying For Help.

Codpendency In Yourself

Signs of Codependency in yourself in your marriage  Read More . . .

Talk To Me. Smiling Happy Lovely Couple Having A Warm Conversation While Drinking Coffee And Spending Morning Together.

Please Talk to Me

A marriage partner not wanting to talk is the most common complaint I hear. Read More . . .

Groomed for Heartache

What Codependence is and what it is not.  Read More . . .

stethoscope on heart

Narcissism & Codependency are learned family roles; they represent opposing views on life that will cause conflict, chaos and disappointment, eventually destroying love & companionship.
Kim Cooper – Author of Back from the Looking Glass

* Please note that most people have a mixture of narcissistic and codependent tendencies. Many men for instance will play the narcissistic role at home while acting codependently at work. Our aim here is to help you identify the patterns, not diagnose yourself or someone else.

You should also note that in most cases our team have found these labels to be stereotypes which do not represent the real person. Despite the pain and suffering these mindsets undoubtedly cause; our experience has shown them to be learned behaviour and NOT incurable psychiatric conditions. Couples can certainly outgrow narcissism and codependence as our story and work both demonstrate.

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