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5 Reasons to Look at Your Own Narcissism

To re-invent yourself  

We lock ourselves into a personality type as much as society locks us in and stereotypes us on our behalf. It isn’t easy to re-invent yourself. Re-inventing your personality may include moving job, city or church and if you are stuck in a place where you are not growing, you really should give yourself permission to do this. A blank canvas can be just what the doctor ordered to find something more peaceful and enjoyable in your life. Just like a smoker re-invents themselves as a non-smoker, this renewal process is important on a character level. Having an NA personality type will make you resistant to see where change will benefit you. Stop resisting criticism that may be beneficial and see if you can find role models for yourself to imitate. See what parts of other people impress you and make those qualities yours.

To give up the game

The games NA personality types play can be tiring and pointless. Giving up the game allows for new paths. More gentle paths. A deeper knowledge of what is fun and new for us that we might enjoy.

To reduce your hypertension

I know that running a stressful lifestyle increases my blood pressure. Since I have been embarking on looking at myself and my narcissistic selfish ways, I am feeling the difference and understanding better that I am in control of my health and mental well-being. High blood pressure takes a toll mentally, emotionally and intellectually. I am more effective and more pleasant to be around when I am mindful of my own aggression and agitation. If I see it in time, I can catch it, and calm myself.

To be free of the lies  

Being free of having to keep up a lie or a series of lies frees you up mentally, physically and emotionally. Maintaining lies takes an incredible amount of effort that doesn’t nourish any part of you. On a cumulative basis telling lies leads to an incredible toll on your general wellbeing. Being honest about our mistakes and facing up to our own guilt and shame about how these mistakes have hurt others, allows us to move on and become truly successful.

The only way to win is to not play

Avoiding the wrong kinds of games is so important. It doesn’t matter if it is the game of playing favourites in families or workplaces; manipulating people for profit; social climbing or corporate piracy. You always have the option to decide to ‘not play’. Weighing up the benefits, you may find that opting out gives you something else more important in life.

Your Blind Spot

To see Steve Coopers first movie on this subject visit the page here: 

Narcissism Checklist

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Co-host and co-author at The Love Safety Net

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. Thank you for speaking with honesty. Fascinating to me that you decided to be filmed in a closet with a beard and playing music. Also fascinating that you discovered Karen Horney, my father who has since passed on but was a savant with aspergers loved her work and studied her avidly. Blessings on your struggle to be released from the low self esteem that I believe is at the root of npd. And please realize that your family sees the rock star you are.. but knows that you are the one who has to discover that in yourself. Get up on a real stage in an empty theater steve, and take one breath as you stand on your mark. Then, from that point on your life will start working to be able to match that goal. Women give birth to babies.. and don’t expect them to talk or walk right away. Somewhere, you had the instantaneous Abra cadabra concept of magic presented to you as real. And sometimes in some things, it actually works. But most of the time.. we become. Take lots of time to allow your dreams to realize. .. you know that thing where your not really a drummer till you piss blood ? Well , we women pour blood right off the bat. We know what it means to go for broke. It’s what our bodies automatically do to us. What happens, is the drummer goes at it untill his capillaries break And his kidneys can’t manage. And then you get good at something. That’s why jesus bled on the has to do with putting your actual life into your endeavor. But if you don’t think your life has value or truth, why would it be an instrument of transcendance ? My children’s father used to say to me ” they are a product of a fuck.” That was pretty negative. As his partner, I absorbed that. Now at a distance, I see it as a reflection of his own deep lack of self worth. It’s not easy to discover your worth from the adoring masses, or even from a loving partner or successful children. We discover our worth from the living god. When you stand alone on that stage.. in an empty theater, you will realize that you are not alone. There is your reality.. and with you.. is your dream. Your inner conversation which you just filmed and shared.. is between you and that which is. That is god. You and god are one. And although you Steve may not think you are a great guitar player.. and that “everybody” wants to be on stage ( not ) god thinks you are a powerful man with the gift of music, and has planted that dream deep inside you. Stop controlling time. Stop organizing yourself as an element of the group. Stop predicting outcomes. Shit happens.. no need to talk about it. Enter the heart sky with god and god alone.. and watch what miracles arrive.

  2. This was so good! I recently went through a divorce after 36 years of marriage. My husband filed and he is the narcissist. I have tried for so many years to understand him and the mindset he thinks from. This really helps.

  3. My counselors have told me to leave my narc but he has turned our daughter against me who is 16 yrs old now. So I am here and he lies everyday and plays games. He won’t stay in counseling cause he says I’m the crazy, lying, mentally ill, cheating, voodoo witch.
    What can I do besides pray ?

    1. Hi Liz, This is a situation like a house fire where you need to call the fire department and pray while you are also actively working to get yourself out of danger. Steve and I have been helping people in your situation for nearly 10 years. The book you need to start with is Back From the Looking Glass. That will give you the basic steps and we have lots of other resources to support you after that. The best place to start is to sign up for our free tutorial on this website. You will learn a lot of important things in that tutorial, especially about what you need to stop doing. I would suggest you go to the bottom of this page and click the button to get started today.

  4. Thanks for sharing like this, Steve. I love the openness, the vulnerability, the putting-yourself-out-there… frankly, it’s very attractive! It’s also encouraging. Bless you. And P.S. – you def have the music in you :-D.

  5. Steve’s movie was both informative and quite moving. It made a lot of sense. You are a talented musician but the not striving for perfection is something I see in my husband too. Yet he’d expected it of me, and as I’m a ‘good enough’ person it was never going to happen. He was constantly frustrated by his own lack of perfection and my, as he saw it, my relaxed attitude to everything.
    He has made progress but still isn’t opening up when something or someone upsets him. As he can’t use me to dump those feelings anymore and because I understand the game moves, he ends up with no where to go. I hope he can develop the insight that you have Steve. I can see why that’s a difficult and brave move to make.
    I’m helping him where I can without going back to how things were. There’s a long history and a damaged relationship between him and his mother. He is guilt ridden about being a failure as a son because she makes it clear that he left her for me. Perhaps it’s part of his issue with perfection. Thank you for sharing the movie. It really helps in understanding what has puzzled me. Maybe it could spark some insight for my husband.

  6. A picture speaks a thousand words.
    I suggest that this video be compulsory viewing in every classroom and staff room of all secondary schools , universities and tertiary education centres everywhere. Correction centres and also Dr Phill.
    Some will listen.
    Gotta love Steve’s Confession Closet.
    Thank you.

  7. You made it on stage! The audience is just watching from different places and at different times instead of being where you can hear them all at once. And you made it on in an honorable way, while trying to help others, instead of in a selfish fame-seeking way. Congratulations! (Way to go Kim for not giving up and for helping Steve! You all have been hugely instrumental in the preservation of our marriage and family.)

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