Why Marriage Counsellors, Psychologists & Psychiatrists Come to us with their Relationship Problems . . .
Your marriage problems may not be caused by bad things that happened in your childhood, but by the important relationship skills you missed out on learning when you were growing up.”
Why Some People Decide to Study Psychology
Quite a few mental health professionals have told me the same story . . . they tell me most people decide to study psychology because they are looking to solve their own problems (that are causing them emotional pain).
They study and go on to become professionals, but often don’t find the answers they hoped that they would.
It’s Not About What Happened – But What Didn’t
I saw a moving documentary where the psychologist Gabor Maté said; “Abuse in childhood is when bad things happened that shouldn’t have – and good things that should have happened didn’t.”
Psychologists and psychiatrists can certainly help with unresolved pain and confusion left over from past trauma (we have an excellent program for this here), but if you struggle with your relationships, no matter how painful trauma from your childhood might be, the trouble in your marriage may have been caused by something else.
Many marriages fail because one (or both) partners have never had positive role models to learn good relationship skills from when they were growing up.
I discovered that these relationship skills have everything to do with healthy emotional regulation, which is also sometimes called emotional intelligence.
Just like working with autistic children, this modelling needs to happen consistently and works best between people with an emotional connection and so obviously needs to start at home.
This is not something yet taught by standard psychology professionals and is why very often they come to learn from us.