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There Are Some Things We Must Face Alone

A woman sits looking out her window,
At the warm sun gently caressing the flowers outside.
It is a perfect day but none of this touches her,
The beauty only mocking the terrible pain she feels inside.

The man of her dreams and father of her children,
Has abandoned her only two days before.

He mistook the work of growing to become a responsible husband and father for servitude,
And frustrated and angry left with an old girlfriend who might ease his self doubt for awhile.

The woman now feels a longing for a boy she once knew.
A boy she treated badly,
Back when she was at school and feeling haughty about the power her beauty still had over men.

When she realises she would give anything to have this same boy smile at her now,
She breaks down and begins to weep.

Her children—worried and sad—do all they can to cheer up their mother
But nothing works for long.
When they start nagging she scolds them too harshly,
And goes off to her room to cry.

Longing for a hero or saviour,
Makes her think of all the men she might call on
That might help mend her broken heart.

Remembering her girls she thinks,
“But no one will want me now
—Men do not even love their own children these days—
How will they love mine to another man.”

This thought makes her cry all the harder, and wish
—as she has a million times in the last two days—
that he would call and say that he was sorry and come home.

Her dreams were all built on the love she would bask in when she married.
Not the hard work and strength of character marriage would require of her.

And no medication or drugs,
No old flames or new fantasies
Can do anything to help her now.

If she tries to demand that her children fill the gap he has left in her heart,
This will curse their lives as well as hers.

Of the things we must face alone,
The first of is loss.

Remembering this truth the woman braces herself,
And looks at her face—all swollen from crying—in the mirror.

She closes her eyes,
Puts away the dreams and childish fantasy
And accepts that he is not ever coming back.

Like a knife through her heart the pain reaches it’s crescendo.

And in the same moment her very soul is torn in two.

Yet through the tear
The silver lining of and a new and brighter future
Shines through.

The girls need a bath
And the house needs putting in order,
And it is a lovely afternoon for them to all take a walk.

As she gathers herself and walks out to greet her children,
She feels a strength in herself that had not been there before.

Her girls are sad, but so relieved to see her back on her feet,
They forget the TV show which only moments before they were mesmerised by.

The woman remembers a time when the three of them were together,
Without their father but all happy and having fun.

She decides that this is how they will all be feeling again soon.

And so it is,
And the storm—which might have ripped all their lives to pieces—passes.

She has passed the test and found her own power,
And though she now realises that he may in fact return
The woman who was dependent on him for her happiness has gone forever.

Because there are some things we must face alone.

For fifteen years, the Coopers have offered themselves as humble guides and mentors, helping families avoid cynicism and chaos. Leading the way as peer support specialists whose own family has traversed love's dangerous terrain.
Taking you to that place inside yourself that you can't go by yourself. Helping you get back in touch with the power of love within you to restore the sanity in your marriage whether you stay or leave.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. This is very beautiful and very very seriously true! I need this step to end my co-dependency. I need to find in myself that I am complete on my own.

    1. Best of luck in finding yourself and your own happiness Sarah. Everything you’ve been through will be worthwhile when you begin to find yourself ❤️

  2. Whats cool is we are NOT facing it alone because its usually through others experience, strength and hope that we see everything for what it really is and we’ve come to an uncomfortable enough or have had enough pain to finally make a decision to do something different, usually something that had been suggested in the first place…. i myself am glad i dont have to do this alone ever again…..thank you

  3. It is true…We are all responsible for our own happiness. It can be a tough journey but definitely a worthwhile one

  4. I am really looking forward to reading more on verbal and the hurt it cause and what I can do about it. This poem opened my eyes to what women and wives have to deal with.

  5. Everything is so true we Women have to be strong.N love ourselves.Ive been Married to a Narcissist husband for 12 years. It’s been 12 years of misery.Ive learn about a year ago.that my husband is a Narcissist.If anyone is Married to a Narcissist u is out of luck u are wasting ur time with them.all of them creatures are alike. They will never Love u ever.u are living in a dream world.everything is about them.their image they only Love themselves. So just move on.Theirs more joy in acceptance than there is in struggle.

    1. Problem is,they don’t even love themselves.And that’s why they cannot love anyone else.I believe they only love what others represent for them:status,stability (emotional,financial,social).But we should not waist our energies trying to mold them.Lets use them to mold ourselves and understand why we stayed in such relationships and allowed them to treat us the way they did.
      I have to say Kim has helped me a lot in changing my codependent ways.I no longer react when wants to start a fight,I walk away if he treats me poorly after I tell him either he changes his tone of voice or I am not talking,I don’t let gim control my emotions,I go out with friends,go to bed when I feel like going,enjoy my life when he decides to give me the silent treatment,I am taking care of my health,etc.All of these helped change the situation in my home but a narcissist does not change,they just adjust themselves to the new situation.In my case the narcissist is my husband and father of my 3 children.Even though he adjusted,he still looks for ways to control me.When one does not work,he looks for another one.I am hopping one day I will manage to leave,because even though I found most of myself and am in control of my emotions,it is still not healthy to live in such a toxic environment.

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