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Far from Mysterious, our ‘Sixth Sense’ is Closer to Home . . .

Similar too eating chocolate, being massaged with warm oil, sipping champagne or otherwise indulging our senses, having our ego stroked is a very sensual experience.

Let’s face it – feeling pleased with ourselves or that we are the most important person in the room, really does feel good.”

But like other sensual indulgences, not learning the danger signs and practicing moderation, will exact a heavy toll. Too great a longing for someone to praise and adore us is as unhealthy as any other addiction.

Pain and discomfort are some of our wisest guides. Whether it’s the pain that teaches a child not to put their hand in the fire or the bad taste and smell that teaches us not to eat food which has spoiled our senses not only pleasure us but also tell us when to watch out!

Learning to avoid what feels bad is relatively easy – but learning moderation in what feels good can be a much harder lesson.

A child left to eat too much cake will experience the displeasure of a stomach ache within the hour, while the effects of champagne on an adult may take half a day, and over indulgence in sex may have consequences that will not be noticed until they endanger a person’s life.

By allowing the pain our senses cause to guide us – while also becoming aware that too much of a good thing is often a very bad thing – in time we hopefully grow to become ‘sensible’ and develop what is known as ‘common sense’.

Ego: Our 6th Sense

Because our connection to family and community are just as important to our health and well being as the food we eat, it is only logical there would be a sense to guide us through these other aspects of our life.

While our 5 senses guide us in moving through our physical environment, the 6th sense of our ego guides us through our world of intimate and social relationships.

Similar to craving champagne  or cake, a little praise or feeling self important now and then probably won’t hurt too much, but if you start craving it everyday you have a problem . . .  and because it is the world of our relationships that the sixth sense of our ego guides us through, if we ignore the danger signs it is our relationships that will suffer from this.

If we avoid being honest about the embarrassment and shame this bad habit will inevitably cause us, it can cause some very serious and unpleasant consequences in our life.

To blame someone else when our ego gets bruised and we fall off our pedestal is very natural (and one of the fastest ways to soothe the hurt) but this will not only  damage our relationships but also cause us to miss the valuable instruction (just like a hand in the fire)while also creating chaos in our lives.

How do you handle embarrassment and shame? Do you let the negative results of getting carried away with yourself instruct you or do you push the bad feeling aside while you look for someone to blame and try and get on with your life?

Not facing shame will cause it to build up inside yourself, to the point where talking yourself up or having someone else feed your ego, may finally feel like the only way to ever feel good about yourself. Just like an alcoholic trying to drink themselves sober. 

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There is as much danger in blaming others for our feelings of embarrassment for getting carried away with ourselves as sticking your hand in the fire and instead of learning not to touch fire again blaming something else for the burn!

Feeling superior may help us deal with fear and uncertainty and bolster an otherwise flagging self esteem, but it will do nothing to attract love or affection and will not build genuine respect.

The truth is that unregulated ego is a sure way to damage the most important relationships in our lives including our most valuable relationship of all which is the one we have with our self.

Is your pride getting in the way of you being loved?

Learning to regulate our relationship ‘senses’, such as ego (and our other emotions) is not about talk. These are ‘common sense’ habits that are just as practical as any of the lessons our 5 other senses teach us.

Do you know how to take on board the painful feedback others give you sometimes (in their words or body language)? Do you monitor yourself and guard against getting carried away with your own sense of how important you are?

Unfortunately many of us didn’t learn moderation in allowing our ego to control us or to express guilt and shame appropriately because we lacked good role models growing up.

I wonder how emotionally intelligent (and mature) you believe you are and if your family and friends would agree?

These skills are not hard to learn: what’s hard is finding the courage and humility to admit you may need some remedial work!

Don’t keep blaming the lack of love in your life on the people close to you. Take charge of your personal development and progress and come join us on a journey that will help change the way you experience life and how you feel about yourself.

Kim Cooper

Kim is the author of seven books on the topic of relationships and emotional intelligence.

A prolific multi-media content innovator, Kim has created and shared a library of articles and multi-media educational tools including radio shows,
movies and poetry on 'The NC Marriage', and 'The Love Safety Net'.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. I was just wishing yesterday that more people could grasp what ego is and how it looks, feels and behaves in the driver’s seat. It is like putting a child, high on sugar, who isn’t big enough to see over the wheel and whose only driving experience has been a tricycle, behind the wheel and expecting them to get us safely to our destination. I am intrigued by your description of ego being our 6th sense.
    Thanks Kim

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