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Ready to Face Your False Pride?

Steve Cooper asks if you are ready to face your Narcissism?
Steve Cooper

One of the biggest give aways that you have a narcissistic view on life is if you have such a strong sense of false pride that it makes you unable to handle criticism. This is a character flaw that can turn grown men into babies and so I want to help you start changing this right now.


Q: Consider now if you know the difference between a put down and criticism?

A: A put down: Is when someone devalues you as a person by treating you like you are inferior or worthless. This may be done through body language with eye rolls, sighs, or an arrogant and impatient attitude. It also includes name calling and insults. You should know that there is nothing uglier or more discordant than put downs. Kim has advice for how to deal with this in the members area of her blog, but first let’s see if you can face your narcissism by looking at criticism.

Criticism: Is when someone lets you know honestly that they don’t like what you are doing. Criticism is hard for most people to hear but if we want to be loved and appreciated it is important that we learn the importance of being able to handle criticism.

Do you close your heart and fly of the handle anytime you feel that someone might be criticising you?

Consider this for at least 10 minutes . . .
Criticism does not always mean a person is devaluing you. On the contrary they probably would not be letting you know that what you are doing is bothering them unless they genuinely valued their relationship with you. They may also be giving you a vote of confidence in believing you are strong enough to take it and wouldn’t probably mention the problem at all if they didn’t think you capable of improving your performance. Hard as it may be to hear, let’s face your narcissism by looking at an emotionally competent way of dealing with criticism.

Face Your False Pride . . .

a. Asking genuine questions when somebody criticises you. This does NOT mean grilling or interrogating the person. Try and ask a few questions about how long the problem has been bothering them and how it has made them feel. Use gentle questions to show that you value and care about the person and you will most likely lighten the situation very quickly.

b. Asking honestly how they would prefer you to behave and taking a detailed mental note of what they say. If possible practice right away and ask if what you are now offering is an improvement.

c. Letting them know that you have taken note of their criticism and thanking them for it. Tell them that you are sorry and you know it is hard to bring these kind of things up and you appreciate their honestly and faith in you.

Hard to do? Sure, but just watch how fast people’s opinion of you improves if you face your narcissism by taking this stronger and more mature view on criticism.

Maybe you don’t want to accept every suggestion that is made to you by others about how your behaviour can improve. That is fine – but don’t bring this up at the time someone is criticising you. Even if you disagree, following the steps above will show the person you have considered their view on things and that you understand what they are wanting.

Later you may bring it up with them in a private and appropriate moment that you have considered what they are asking for but do not know if it is something you can offer. If you are not breaking off the relationship this is a time when you should be prepared to negotiate and come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Narcissism Self Help (scroll right to left) . . .

For fifteen years, the Coopers have offered themselves as humble guides and mentors, helping families avoid cynicism and chaos. Leading the way as peer support specialists whose own family has traversed love's dangerous terrain.
Taking you to that place inside yourself that you can't go by yourself. Helping you get back in touch with the power of love within you to restore the sanity in your marriage whether you stay or leave.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. 54 years of life, 30 years of marriage – looking straight into the eyes of the beast. i do not know how or why my wife is still here, i lost my job in 2008, have been unwilling or unable or something to get a new job. feel ashamed, unworthy, pathetic… i hope i can follow through with anything (literally one thing) that will help to change this pool of poo i have created – thank you for sharing your story.

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